Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Ben Begs the Chinese to Become Communist

This past Sunday, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke emerged from his black helicopter, straightened his black tie, pulled down his black sunglasses, nodded for his bodyguards to open his black briefcase and then delivered a speech on world trade. Within the speech, he specifically cited a need for a "rebalancing" of world trade and encouraged China to spend more and the US to save more. This echoed what the United States Treasury (Joe Oxymoron) Secretary Turbo Tax Timmy Geithner (Joe Oxymoron, minus the oxy) said a few weeks ago about rebalancing world trade.

So what were our fearless leaders really saying? It's unlikely Ben Bernanke really cares whether US citizens save more. If that were the case he'd simply raise interest rates to incentivize (Joe, is that a word?) saving. No, he doesn't care. What he's really doing is begging the Chinese to stop exporting so much and start importing more US products for the "greater good" of the global economy. (Jo-seph Stalin) In other words, the United States is asking the Chinese to become more communist? (Joe upside down world, with Chinese up and US down) If we analyze further, however, we realize he doesn't really care about the global economy - he cares about the US of course.
Here's why
If the Chinese export less and the US slows the import flow, then our trade deficit will improve. If the US trade deficit improves, our GPD will go up and we'll escape depression 2.0. The weakening dollar will help achieve these desired trade effects because a weak dollar makes it more expensive to import, and less expensive to export. When we understand what Ben's doing to the US Dollar (Joe Shell game), it's easy to see the true motives behind his remarks.

So what does this mean for Joe? The Chinese have to be upset about our monetary and fiscal policy aimed at destroying the US Dollar. Therefore, Joe decided to hedge against a future Chinese invasion and take up karate lessons. He told JoAnn he's going to learn hand-to-hand COMBAT just in case; and asked JoAnn if she'd like to help him prepare by giving him hand-to-hand CONTACT while they go for a walk. JoAnn simply told him since there may be some angry Chinese out there, and since he hasn't actually taken any hand-to-hand combat lessons yet, that she'd be safer inside.

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